It’s been a full week since returning from my last vacation and I have yet to manage completing the task of the laundry. Even with the convenience of having my own washer and dryer unit, I will put it off until the spirit moves me. This is a far cry from how I was raised in my Jamaican household. A pile of dirty clothing would attract criticisms and some judgment also to address the matter. To be fair, we were a household of three versus my one today, and we didn’t have that many clothing items to prolong the cycle for more than a week, or maybe two. But most importantly, appearance mattered and tidiness was always expected. It was a literal chore to be clean and kept clean. After school, we would hand-wash school socks, uniform neckties and sometimes a uniform if we didn’t have a full week’s supply, in addition to polishing our shoes for the next day. Should you object or move away from this norm, you’re labeled as “nasty” and that will not stand, as it reflects poorly on the entire household.
The nightly routine of personal grooming was in addition to the weekly Saturday cleaning and other nightly household tasks of homework and meal preparation. The ritual wasn’t as daunting as I find it today. And, back then I did not have the privilege of having a washer and dryer, but like many families had a weekly “helpa” who hand-washed most of the household’s laundry. Sidenote: each individual washes their own undergarments nightly. Not in the washing machine and not by the helpa, unless it belongs to the man of the house. Men are not encouraged to partake in household duties. I didn’t find it off-putting or even unfair because that’s what everyone did, especially the elders we looked up to and we felt proud when we looked our best. Most of all, there is something to be said about playing an active role in how you present yourself. The work and effort put in, builds respect and care. However, at some point along the way the task built respect and care for things and not people.
We would routinely polish our shoes and almost never ask, “How was your day?” It was never deliberate, we simply just focused on appearances and expectations. Yes, you are expected to have a good day — you’re alive. You left your home and made it back safely, now look sharp doing it. Now, don’t get me wrong, chores are important in one’s upbringing and in keeping us grounded. However, we often lacked attention, in that the constant act of keeping up appearances and doing what was expected made us miserable. This is not me making excuses in an attempt to get out of doing my laundry — I am almost certain that there are many Jamaicans reading this right now calling me “nasty.” Though, the righteous of the righteous are no better off for having fallen in place. There is only one reason why I believe we take heed to the rigidity of practices regarding expectations and appearances. Control. Yes, we want to feel in control. We want to feel in control of things and then, people. It was never about the laundry. Then, I guess that would make me in control of me.