“For fun” I once read a popular travel guide brand of Jamaica; in it, there was a small blurb (in comparison to the other topics), a paragraph at most, on Jamaican relationships. It was not good. In fact, it made me want to distance myself from the entire publication for its obvious generalization. More than a decade later, the impression still finds itself on my mind. Romantic relationships are fairly similar across different cultures and customs; attraction, courtship, loving, fun, sharing, family and breakups. Am I missing anything?! I’ll say much of this is the same in Jamaica. Where we differ is the prominence to which character roles are given and that are played outside the realm of dancehall culture; “Wifey”, “Bun” (infidelity), “matey” (mistress) and “jacket” (that is not your child).
Three of the many hit songs and hook lyrics from 90’s dancehall music scene were:
“Wife” by Joseph Stepper
All dem a talk gal mek dem fret
Cause yuh done know you and yuh man nah left
You a fi him choice
Fi him first prize
Jump and shock out gal
A you a di
wiiife
“Tek Him” by Mad Cobra
Ah gyal man ah run yuh dung
Gyal an nuh fi yuh fault
Tek him tek him gyal ah nuh fi yuh…
“Bun Fi Bun” – Shalom
Some man a gi bun an a get back bun, a nuh nuttin dat, call it bun fi bun
The list goes on. (I am aware of the matey song, but the lyrics borderline on shaming and abusing women — not on watch) I get it, it’s dancehall, it’s a tough call holding a hard line of a higher standard especially when the selector is blasting back-to-back hits on the right riddim. We Jammin! The music is a reflection of what is present in the culture and it would appear to many that this exposure is validation and permission to behave in such manner. We have normalized words, and then behaviors, in bun, jacket and matey. This does not define all Jamaicans or “Jamaican customs,” these are our personal choice(s) and individual responsibility.
The travel guide I read suggested that one should exercise caution as Jamaican women date multiple partners to provide for them financially. Yes, this was put in print and published for viewership. I will not say this does not happen, but that is a symptom of an even larger problem. I’m of the belief that most of us want to be loved and feel loved at some point in our lives. The measurements and currencies are just different and often depend on one’s circumstances. This is no different for Jamaicans. I am not attempting to dress-up bad behavior or disavow unsavory stereotypes, but let us not forget that we’re all products of our surroundings. Some of us choose our roles and others are forced upon us. This does not make one right and the other wrong — it just is. In Jamaica, it becomes a song. That’s love. Jamaican love affair is a song.